chalcedony_cat: fan from the v&a (Default)
[personal profile] chalcedony_cat
Here, I mean, because in my life not silence but much noise, everyone in my family took getting sick in turn, and then there was the weekend in which we went out of town (my partner for a weekend with his girlfriend playing games, myself and housemate and our children to visit friends, a lovely time had by all), and then coming back from that, I and Joy both got sick, and so it went, that was May. I am glad for June, perhaps a change of pace -- and glad also as Joy finishes school in just a few days and I will no longer have to deal with a large variety of minor irritations, as well as the major, unspoken, difficult to pinpoint irritation that is dropping her off every day with adults whom I do not trust. Trust to keep her from obvious harm, yes, trust not to harm her themselves, yes, but I do not trust them (her teacher or any of the support staff I have encountered) to treat her as an actual human being, a child of course but still fully as human as themselves, with her own thoughts, feelings, motivations, narrative. It infuriates me constantly, and also produces enormous upwellings of anxiety each morning, but in the concrete actuality of it for her it has mostly been fine,. There have been a few very odd times -- they did a 'lockdown drill' which is preparation for a school shooter and then were mystified one and all when she was terrified to go to school for a few weeks -- but when I give them precise instructions they do try to follow them, all the while confused that treating her as something like a hyperactive puppy doesn't produce the results they want.

But -- only a few more days, and then she is home for a week (a different kind of noise but likely pleasant in large part) and then she starts going to a day camp run by the city to which she has gone twice before with immense success, a mix of energetic college students who seem to care deeply for children as people, and older adults more grounded but with the same care.

In the meanwhile, I take care of the children, take care of the house (less than I ought), and try to manage the anxiety and exhaustion and annoyance. Next year we are at a new school, a very different one, still in the public system but a magnet school focused on environmental sciences, and both Joy and I are looking forward to it -- I think I am more than she is, even, because I hope to make friends amongst the other parents (there is a strong culture of volunteering, so why not?) and also for her, that it will hopefully be a space which takes her personhood seriously.

If there is time tomorrow I will do an overly long catch-up post for Wednesday reading.


chalcedony_cat: fan from the v&a (Default)

June 2015

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